No Title
Yes, it HAS been this long since I last posted, and it HAS been brought to my attention that no one reads my blog anymore, but I'm ok with this, because tonight, for the first time in a long time, I want to write. Write about personal reflection, about where I am and where I'm going, and about how I got here and how I'm going to get there.
Everything in my life is True.
It's true that I came from somewhere: mom, dad, NJ, Italia, Ireland, Randolph High School, God, Mrs. Whorley's kindergarden, etc., and that all these things had a mark in me that is unwavering and can't be stripped away. They are facts, true and unadulterated. This mixture of Truths is what brought me to today in one way or another, big or small, in the fact that it's all me.
I came from these Truths and continue to create new ones everyday. You won't be able to take this moment from me right now whether you want to or not, because this moment has already come and gone, and I'm on to the next one. Did I create the right trueness in my life to honor God and all the previous truths before this one that have led me to this? I don't know. Sometimes I really don't think so. I sometimes find myself using the Parent scale of good truths to measure my moments of existence; mom's is easy because she is always so proud I'd have to shoot the Pope to waver that thought, and even then I'm not sure. Dad had a more realistic scale that I have used for some of my larger moments, like college, career, achievements, goals, etc. to trigger the dad-satisfaction level. It's not that dad was too hard on me or wasn't proud, not at all, just that I didn't hear it as much, and I only hear mom's now.
Am I constantly building on these truths? That's what I need to be asking but rarely am. Is the trueness of my past being superceded by the moments or truths of my present or future. Is my writing this right now, this truth, a growth from truths past. How do I know if the decisions I make now are going to set myself up for the greater truths down the road; or should I say up the road.
Going to college, getting married, entering hollywood; all true facts of my existence: am I building on them. I wonder if I'm a better husband, better scholar, better stuntman, than I was at the onset of these undertakings, or simply stagnant and unchanged, which absolutely scares the shit out of me, because that would be a True failure. I don't know if it would be any worse to have declined in these examples then to have simply sat idle in them, because what's the point of measuring beyond the line of failure. Have I grown in the Truth that is God. This most important question of all is one that I don't have any way of measuring, no Parent scale, just my faith that the truths I accomplish or don't accomplish in my everyday bring me closer in my walk and are pleasing to Him; a growth in this truth.
It haunts me to no end to think that I'm digressing as a man and not living up to the truths to where I come from and that have made, have sculpted me. I can only hope I don't let free-will corrupt me and not grow my truths exponentially.
I need to recognize my flaws and weaknesses and attack them with great vigor before they attack me.
Everything in my life is True.
It's true that I came from somewhere: mom, dad, NJ, Italia, Ireland, Randolph High School, God, Mrs. Whorley's kindergarden, etc., and that all these things had a mark in me that is unwavering and can't be stripped away. They are facts, true and unadulterated. This mixture of Truths is what brought me to today in one way or another, big or small, in the fact that it's all me.
I came from these Truths and continue to create new ones everyday. You won't be able to take this moment from me right now whether you want to or not, because this moment has already come and gone, and I'm on to the next one. Did I create the right trueness in my life to honor God and all the previous truths before this one that have led me to this? I don't know. Sometimes I really don't think so. I sometimes find myself using the Parent scale of good truths to measure my moments of existence; mom's is easy because she is always so proud I'd have to shoot the Pope to waver that thought, and even then I'm not sure. Dad had a more realistic scale that I have used for some of my larger moments, like college, career, achievements, goals, etc. to trigger the dad-satisfaction level. It's not that dad was too hard on me or wasn't proud, not at all, just that I didn't hear it as much, and I only hear mom's now.
Am I constantly building on these truths? That's what I need to be asking but rarely am. Is the trueness of my past being superceded by the moments or truths of my present or future. Is my writing this right now, this truth, a growth from truths past. How do I know if the decisions I make now are going to set myself up for the greater truths down the road; or should I say up the road.
Going to college, getting married, entering hollywood; all true facts of my existence: am I building on them. I wonder if I'm a better husband, better scholar, better stuntman, than I was at the onset of these undertakings, or simply stagnant and unchanged, which absolutely scares the shit out of me, because that would be a True failure. I don't know if it would be any worse to have declined in these examples then to have simply sat idle in them, because what's the point of measuring beyond the line of failure. Have I grown in the Truth that is God. This most important question of all is one that I don't have any way of measuring, no Parent scale, just my faith that the truths I accomplish or don't accomplish in my everyday bring me closer in my walk and are pleasing to Him; a growth in this truth.
It haunts me to no end to think that I'm digressing as a man and not living up to the truths to where I come from and that have made, have sculpted me. I can only hope I don't let free-will corrupt me and not grow my truths exponentially.
I need to recognize my flaws and weaknesses and attack them with great vigor before they attack me.
posted by Jonathan at 10:28 PM
2 Comments:
Jonny-Boy! I check your thing all the time! Just waiting for the elusive Jon to appear with a new entry. Keep doin what you're doin, son.
Love,
Ben
Jon I still occasionally check you blog for words of wisdom:-). I really like this entry. Soul searching. We each should stop and do this sometimes. From what I see you and Heather are far from being stagnant, in fact, I see you two setting amazing examples and developing good truths that you will one day pass on to you children.
Post a Comment
<< Home